Hello, wonderful ladies!  This blog post is to share all about the awesome talk that our friend, Lindsey Ray, gave to our Real Mom's group on January 7th regarding ANGER.  All about how it manifests itself in our hearts and ultimately impacts our home and family and best of all - how to battle it!  Thank you, Jesus for the hope that is found in you!

Here are the notes and verses to read and meditate on to help us with this battle!

1. A  little on Anger
      A. Anger is an outward expression of an inner sin that needs to be addressed.
          1. Pride - wanting to be in control of the situation or comparing (I am not as good as so and so or I have it all figured out)
          2. Discontentment - Trial or Waiting on God to answer a prayer
          3. Wrong goals - "Me" Centered and wanting convenience in your day
          4. Fear/Lack of trust in God - Possibly over the hearts of your children or a break through in sin
          5. Claiming perceived rights - Things we think we have a right to but aren't promised in Scripture
          6. Unforgiving hearts - Over anyone and specifically remembering to forgive our children for sin that they caused against us that may have led to bitterness in your heart.
     B. Anger is more than "Mt. Mama" eruptions (when it boils over)
          1. Typically think of "fits of rage"
          2. Can also be resentful attitudes, self-pity, irritability, controlling/demanding actions, unkind worlds, sarcasm, the silent treatment, withdrawing, gossiping/venting, etc.
     C. The consequences of anger affect more than just us.
          1. Cause emotional/physical pain (Gen. 4:6-8)
          2. Leaders to more anger (Proverbs 15:1 and 18, Proverbs 17:14, Proverbs 22:24-25)
          3. Leaves us open to further attack (Ephesians 4:26-27, Proverbs 25:28) - Like a city without walls is a mans heart which is open to attack and Satan does want to get a foothold!
          4. Does NOT result in the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20, 3:17-18) - behavior can and may change but not the heart.
          5. Leads us to isolate ourselves - "secret battle". Satan wants us to be along and open to attack.

2. My Self-Sufficiency Cycle
      A. Starts with Trust/Pride in Self Determination then goes to Walking in your own strength to Anger Trigger to Responding with Anger to Guilt to A vow to work harder.  Circular cycle that can go on and on and on if we are not fighting it and trusting/seeking the Lord.

      B. Problems with this Self-Sufficiency Cycle
           1. Focus is on ME - God allows trials to refine us and make us more like him. They are tools to draw us closer to Him!
           2. Not accepting God's plan for your life.
           3. Battling sin with a sinful nature (Romans 7:18-20)

3. Grace-Sufficiency Cycle
     A. The Hope: Walk by the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-17) through God's sufficient grace (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) This is God's power living in us to battle sin WITH us!
     B. Starts with a Relationship with Jesus Christ and goes to Daily Communion to Growing in Wisdom and Faith to Trusting in God's Plan for Your Life to Preparing the Mind for Action to Accountability to Recognizing Weakness/Pray for God's Strength to Anger Trigger to Resisting the Devil to Trusting that God WILL strengthen/confirm and protect to Giving Thanks
     C. Starts with knowing Jesus and spending time with Him.
     D. Leads us to growing in wisdom and faith (Col. 2:3, 1 Peter 2:2, John 15:3-8)
     E. Trusting in God's Plan (Romans 8:28-29, Jeremiah 29:11)
     F. Prepare your minds for Action (Ephesians 6:12-18, 1 Peter 1:13-14, 5:8-9. Col. 4:2, Philippians 4:8-9)
          1. Identify and confess any root sins
          2. Identify and confess any anger triggers and keep watch for them!
          3. Surrender your day to God - Hid plan may not be your plan.
          4. Pray and mediate through Scripture (Col. 3:12-17, Isaiah 26:3)
          5. Involve a prayer partner
          6. Dwell on good things (Philippians 4:8-9
     G. Recognize your weakness/Pray for Strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Hebrews 4:16)
     H. Resist the Devil (James 4:7) - We have the power of the Spirit in us!
           1. Pray right away
           2. Resist the temptation of reacting immediately
           3. Take a break
           4. Deal with parenting issues right away, tag team if possible.
     I. God will confirm, protect and strengthen (Ephesians 6:13, Philippians 4:13, Philippians 2:12-13, 1 Corinthians 10:13)
     J. We give thanks and grow in wisdom and faith (2 Corinthians 4:14-15, Hebrews 13:15)

4. Other Helpful Tips
     A. Be proactive vs. reactive in parenting
     B. Seek forgiveness from kids/husband
     C. Be forgiving of our kids
     D. Have margins in your life (weekly, monthly, yearly)
     E. Look for hidden idols in your life (perfect home, schedules, etc.). These are things that seem like good things but actually create bondage.
     F. Capture, Confess, Claim ( the power of the Holy Spirit), Transform your thinking, Repeat

5. Couple notes of encouragement!
    A. God can use us no matter our mistakes (example of Saul becoming Paul)
    B. God won't leave us here.  (Philippians 1:6-7)

At our January 21st Real Mom's Meeting!

Janice Powell is the mother of three sons and no daughters.  She has a heart for the so close yet so challenging relationships between a daughter-in-law and a mother- in-law.  In difficulties, she naturally turns to the study of God’s Word from which the “Let God be Glorified” curriculum was written.  She loves to hear the heart-warming and heart- wrenching stories of mothers and daughters as she teaches through this curriculum.  


Please, join with us as we listen to this gracious lady from Granby, CO.  Refreshment, workbooks, and fellowship provided.   

Love Languages

We had the privileged of hearing Theresa Fightmaster speak at our last meeting on the 5 Love Languages, an inspired talk from the book, The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.  Each person receives love differently, so it's important to figure out what really fills your husband or kiddos "Love Tank."  Each person will probably need all of these Love Languages to be spoken to them, but some will be more important to the individual then other ones.  Here is a list below:

5 Love Languages

Touch (Describes your child/husband):
Receive hugs, kisses, high fives, cuddles, asks to be carried, wrestling, tag, climbs in your lap.

Words (Describes your child/husband):  Likes for others to tell them they did a good job.

Quality Time (Describes your child/husband):  Loves to do things with you: watch a movie, yard work, go out to eat, run errands, play a game.  Tries to get your undivided attention.  Wants to sit next to you or have you watch them while they're playing.

Gifts (Describes your child/husband):  Feels good when someone gives them something.  Enjoys a special present or surprise.  Enjoys birthdays presents, surprise treats, earning a treat, having their favorite food made for them.

Service (Describes your child/husband):  Likes it when people do nice things for them: helping with chores, school projects, driving places, making meals or snacks.

 A child with a full love tank = a healthy, emotionally stable child.

How do I know what my spouse's/child's Love Language is?

1. Observe how your child/spouse expresses love to you.
2.Observe how your child/spouse expresses love to others.
3. Listen to what your child/spouse requests most often.
4. Notice what your child/spouse most frequently complains about.
5. Give your child/spouse a choice between two options.


The 5 Love Languages are a wonderful tool to use in learning to love our family well.  We are so grateful to Theresa for sharing her knowledge with us!  

Wifehood- Sarah Longoria

I.                    Intro- Thank you for having me!  The thought of teaching you all about wifehood is humbling because the only authority on the matter I have comes straight from the Word and what God has taught me, usually through the painful refiners fire.  I will forever be a work in progress! 

A.      Travis and I’s story- Met in junior high. My insecurity during my dad's illness created unhealthy dependence on Travis to meet my needs.

II.                  How God has moved my heart to a wifehood focus instead of a marriage focus.  We think of marriage, in the Biblical sense, as husband and wife loving each other well, which glorifies God.

A.      Our marriages are fertile ground for God’s glory and our growth, but sometimes it won’t come through mutual efforts. The one in our marriages we’re accountable for is ourselves and how we love, regardless of the way we are loved in return.  We are all sinful, imperfect women married to sinful, imperfect men and it is Gospel love alone that gives any of us any hope.  Gospel love is self-sacrificing not self seeking.          

1.      God gives us many directives on how we can best love each other in marriage, and He is certainly glorified when the two people in a marriage are living in obedience to them, but I would venture to say that He gives us far more instruction as individuals on loving Him and others (our husbands being one of the most important “others” we love).

2.      Some of us are married to dynamic spiritual leaders, others of us to men who lead more quietly or who are in a dry place in their walks, and still others to men who don’t know the Lord.  Each of our marriages and husbands is unique (different strengths and weaknesses).No matter who your husband is or where he’s at, you can live in full obedience to God’s calling on YOU to love him with the love the Lord has given you as a daughter of Him!  When we abide, He provides!

a.      1 Peter 3:1-2- “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” (be careful of the martyr mentality! Don’t consider yourself better than your husband, that’s pride and that’s sin!)

b.      Matthew 22:36-39- ““Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. (When we love God with our whole heart, HE enables us to love our neighbors as ourselves)

c.       Romans 12:9-21 (think specifically about loving your husband as I read this)- “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. (He is your brother in Christ!) Outdo one another in showing honour.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality (to your husband!). Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight (pride).  Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honourable in the sight of all.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all (your husband!).  Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

3.      To reiterate what Jason shared last weekend and to echo what Courtney shared in her mom minute, when we abide in the Lord, when we go to Him first for ALL our needs, He is faithful to meet them.  No other person or role can satisfy!  Truly living this frees us to love others without expectation for something in return.

B.      Expectations lead to disappointment when our hope is misplaced on the wrong person/thing, who are we counting on to meet our needs, to fill us?

1.      John 6:35- “Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

2.      John 4:13-14- “ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

3.      How my expectations of Travis have torn him down instead of building him up.  (how and how much he communicates, his spiritual leadership of our family, his level of helping around the house, the way he parents our kids, etc…)

a.       How does it feel on the flip side of the coin, when someone has you constantly feeling like you don’t measure up and you’re never cutting it, does that motivate or deflate you?

b.      I think it’s easier for us to live in the truth that friends, extended family and even our children are not made to satisfy us, and although we may say that we don’t expect our husbands to fully satisfy us, our hearts often believe differently as evidenced by our struggles in marriage.

C.      Fighting the 50/50, “you complete me” cultural prescription.

1.      Think about the most common reasons people give for divorce.  It’s often about what the other person isn’t doing right or about how the other person isn’t meeting their needs. (if you are sitting in this room and have been divorced, know that God has enough grace to meet you where you are at and grow you from here! There are also cases where a spouse has taken the decision out of your hands and left.  Please know that every women in this room is loved by Jesus right where she is at and every single one of us is nothing without Jesus, we can do nothing good apart from Him.)

2.      “What if marriage isn’t designed to make us happy but rather to make us Holy?”- From Sacred Marriage.  What I would add to that is, what if our greatest joy in marriage can only be found when we stop looking to it and our husbands to fill us up.

D.     How do we get there? NOT by trying harder to be better!  We start, flat on our faces before Jesus, confessing our sin and begging Him to fill us.  Loving our husbands more selflessly will be a fruit of bathing in the sacrificial love of Jesus for us!

III.                Closing: The rollarcoaster journey of our recent decision to move to Switzerland and how God continues to refine me in all these areas.  Please pray for us!

·         I asked Travis if he had anything he’d like to add to what I prepared to share with you all.  I was thinking it might be something profound that I had missed, but maybe profoundly simple?  He said, “a little sex goes a long way to make a man feel loved”. J

                                                      Table Talk

1.      What are some ways you believe God is wooing you to be satisfied in Him alone?

2.      What are some ways you have bought the 50/50, “you complete me” prescriptions for a happy marriage and how is God challenging you to love your husband more selflessly?

3.      Do you have anything to share with your sisters about how the sin of pride has caused you to belittle, nag, or look down on your husband?

4.      How can we be praying for you as a wife?

"Day in the Life" Panel

Highlights:

Jill
-She has one day a week that's her cleaning day, helps her get it done with focus.
-She tries to have a special activity planned for her kids during dinner prep time to lessen her stress.
-One of her struggles is giving too many "just a minutes", she wants to make time for more focused time with the kids.
-They try to do devotions over meal times, she wants to be more intentional and consistent with this.
-Jill encouraged us to do what we need to do without guilt to get the rest/sleep that we need.  Rested mom equals  better mom.
VERSE: Colossians 3:12.

Karla
-She tries to get up before the kids for quiet times
-She has her kids have quiet times in their rooms each day, everyone benefits from quiet/alone time.
-They try to get out of the house as a family after dinner some nights for fresh air and some fresh perspective:).
-Some of Karla's struggles include letting go of her schedule to be more present with the kids and planning enough time for meals so everyone doesn't feel so rushed.
-Karla encouraged us to memorize verses together as a family, make a prayer jar where we can give prayers to the Lord and let go.
-She shared how her husband takes her kids for a bit in the evening so she can have some breath time.
-From Sally Clarkson in Mission of Motherhood-"Choosing to be a servant mother means willingly giving up myself, my expectations, and my time to the task of mothering and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time at that moment."
-She shared how she shoots Aaron a text during the day asking him to pray for her in certain situations.
-Encouraged us that it's not about perfection, but about how we respond to struggle.
-Encouraged us to share the Gospel often with our kids, to pray for their salvation always.
-Toddler occupiers: run to the door and back, have them thread cherios on yarn.
-Time flies! Write memories down.
VERSES: Psalm 51:10, Proverbs 3, Isaiah 40:31

Katrina
-She tries to make the most of the time in the car with the kids to and from school, praise music, praying, talking.
-She encouraged us to be playful with our husbands in front of the kids.
-She confessed to struggling with laziness at times.  She shared how her husband encourages her to make smaller to do lists so she feels like she really accomplishes them.
-Encouraged us that the kids won't remember if the house was clean, so spend quality time with them.
-She reminded us that we often compare our behind the scenes with others highlight reels (social media sets us up).
-Shared how they listen to VBS cds to get everyone's heart in the right place.
-Little prayers throughout the day go a long way.
-Keeps devotionals in the bathroom (get it when you can!).
VERSES: Isaiah 55:8-9, Colossians 3:23, Philippians 4:19

Creative Abiding:
-While washing dishes, rocking babies, driving.
-Praise music to start your day.
-Getting up before the kids, hard but worth it!

Heart of Motherhood- Shelli Majesky

Introduction
I'm Shelli, wife, mother of four, and needy woman of Jesus. Why am I here- all started on a sledding hill years ago. Met Sarah, we prayed for one another on the hill, and there began a sweet friendship that has been a breath of fresh air.
Not here because I am a model mother or wife, but because I am on a journey with the Lord, and He has breathed new life into me through a sweet conference I went to, I shared it with Sarah, and there we go!

Luke 7 – Simon the Pharisee and the Sinful Woman
Read the passage
Love this story, it's a beautiful contrast between two characters:
Sinning woman: She knew of Jesus great grace, and her great need. Because of this knowledge it
gave her courage to seek out Jesus, despite damaging her own reputation and more humiliation. After
finding Jesus, moved her to show great emotion and affection through washing His feet with her tears,
kissing them, and happily expending all of her resources with a life savings worth of pure perfume,
poured out on His feet!
Simon the Pharisee: He was a Pharisee, who had a traveling preacher, Jesus, into his home for dinner. This was not unusual, but rather expected, a respectable thing for him to do. He was rather dutiful in having Jesus into his home. He did not go above and beyond. He did not offer to wash Jesus feet or even order someone else to do it. Rather, he was somewhat put off and judgmental of the “sinning woman” when she did. These characters in this story, highlight two different ways of living: One is entitled, duty- on display in Simon’s life, one is happy, wasteful living- on display in the sinning woman’s life.

Two ways of living- lived out!
Entitled, duty:
We know that God calls us to faithful parenting
Parenting verse (Prov. 22:6, Train up a child n the way he should go; even when he is old he will not
depart from it.)
But what motivates that obedience?
Curious verse in Rom. 12:2, says, Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
We are not to be conformed to the "Pattern of the world"
 1. One pattern?- work hard and receive what you are owed
 2. Find the right techniques and work them (vending machine idea!)
 3. This develops entitlement around the results, doing just enough to get the results, like Simon.
 4. Leads to "gritted teeth" in the way I parent (example: Getting kids ready to go worship the Lord with             the church, my daughter says,” Why are you always so angry when we get ready for church?”)
 5. We are NOT to be conformed to this pattern!
 6. Mothering is not a list of formulas, techniques, or programs.
 7. Mothering is not a competition or stage where we seek our validation, or a circus where we try and               create our circus bears.
 8. The Lord has entrusted us with human beings to care for and raise up - this is a supernatural thing,                 that involves supernatural involvement! Ladies, formulas are for math, systems are for science, and                 techniques are for handwriting.
There is a different way -the way of happy, wasteful living.
The way of a renewed mind - thinking in a different way, Holy Spirit-led, gospelpaved way, not                     seeking a result, but rather a relationship.
Begins with believing in, and being satisfied with all that has been accomplished for me already in                   Jesus as Savior and Lord
My sin doesn't need to drive me to more hard work but to rushing to the feet of Jesus. ( idea of                     seeking a covering by sitting with a mom that I think has it all figured out!)
Is my first default going to Jesus! Do I believe: John 6:67-69, or James 1:5-6?
If our default becomes Jesus first, what an opportunity to take what Satan intends for harm, and                     pull the rug right out from under Satan’s schemes.
In this response, I reestablish my hope, regain my strength and courage to move forward.
Out of love, not entitlement, and feeling I am owed!
The way also allows me to see the heart of my child!
Which means I look for more than behavior in them (and support more than behavior in them)
Mac and dinner table- see your children's heart behind their words and they will be blessed.
"And that's not my child" - what did the child hear?  That they are only my child when they act rightly.

What does this look like, practically, in manner, not technique?
This means that mothering is not about the how's but rather about the why’s
How parenting is duty driven and result oriented, versus why parenting which is obedience oriented             and love driven, overflowing out of an appreciation for grace.

How parenting 
fear driven
trusts in the method
Responds quickly and usually in anger
is anxious and wrought up
sees the many adjustments in a child and corrects 1st
environment in this home lacks humility, and
therefore lacks freedom and grace

Why parenting
faith driven
trusts in the Lord
responds slowly and with clarity
is peaceful and joy filled
sees strengths, encourages them,and comes alongside of the weaknesses
environment generally swims in humility and there is safety and health

Where do you feel like you spend more time? If in how parenting, do not be discouraged. Seek Jesus,
ask Him for grace, and for His kindness to lead you to repentance. This is the who point of the story in
Luke 7. If why parenting, celebrate, but stay on your face at the feet of Jesus.

Conclusion
Jeremiah 1:11a The Lord said, “Have I not set you free for their good? Have I not pleaded for you before the enemy in the time of trouble, and in the time of distress?” This set free means: We have had all of our questions and needs met and answered in Jesus!
Acceptance - MET, He died while I was still a sinner. (Rom. 5:8)
Affirmation - MET, He laid down His life for me insecurity - MET, secured my place in His family,                through death. (1 Peter 1:1-5)
Alone - MET, I will never leave you or forsake you. (Heb. 13:5b)
Loved - MET, loved me, and gave up his life for me, took on what I deserved. (Gal. 2:20b)
Afraid - NO NEED, The Lord is my helper, I will not fear! (Heb. 13:6)

Oh ladies, we have been set free! May we position ourselves at the feet of our Savior and experience
true delight in Him, and therefore love well!

Phil. 1:6- "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Hebrews 10:39- "But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls."

Little Moments for Smiling- Jeanette McBee

Little Moments for Smiling

A heart full of thankfulness for those moments that are small, sometimes fleeting, refreshes our soul, relaxes our muscles. Who allows these glimpses of joy? Who loves you so much and knows what makes you laugh? He created your smile and chuckles. There are times when I believe the lie that I'm not any fun and I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud. Who wants to be around me? Have you every felt that way?

The Lord God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, says you are precious and He loves you (Isaiah 43:4). 

Let's make smiling a little easier. What are some things that make you smile or laugh? This may sound funny (pun intended), but I have a "Smile File". Jokes, quips, articles I've read along the way that make me laugh out loud are here. It's a great pick-me-up. For practice, write 3 things that you enjoy doing (This is not the time to muffle a cry of "when will I ever have time just for me!!" Trust God for time to experience joy He made for you.) Here are some ideas to get you started: Listen to music that soothes or energizes; A cup of your favorite warm drink in a pretty mug; Sitting with a book for 15 minutes uninterrupted and quiet; Playing a game with your kids that you like, too; A bouquet of flowers in a prominent place; A candle, which shape, color or scent is attractive to you; A breakfast that you take care in preparing for yourself and/or your family (use the "nice" dishes and flatware, eat the food you like most, etc.).

Now maybe it goes without saying, so if you already understand this please be patient with me as I'm going to say it anyway: Making an idol of these little joys, meaning having an expectation that your "moment" has to be perfect to be enjoyed, will backfire.

Be alert, notice, recognize when God, seemingly spontaneously, creates little joys just for you.