Wifehood- Sarah Longoria

I.                    Intro- Thank you for having me!  The thought of teaching you all about wifehood is humbling because the only authority on the matter I have comes straight from the Word and what God has taught me, usually through the painful refiners fire.  I will forever be a work in progress! 

A.      Travis and I’s story- Met in junior high. My insecurity during my dad's illness created unhealthy dependence on Travis to meet my needs.

II.                  How God has moved my heart to a wifehood focus instead of a marriage focus.  We think of marriage, in the Biblical sense, as husband and wife loving each other well, which glorifies God.

A.      Our marriages are fertile ground for God’s glory and our growth, but sometimes it won’t come through mutual efforts. The one in our marriages we’re accountable for is ourselves and how we love, regardless of the way we are loved in return.  We are all sinful, imperfect women married to sinful, imperfect men and it is Gospel love alone that gives any of us any hope.  Gospel love is self-sacrificing not self seeking.          

1.      God gives us many directives on how we can best love each other in marriage, and He is certainly glorified when the two people in a marriage are living in obedience to them, but I would venture to say that He gives us far more instruction as individuals on loving Him and others (our husbands being one of the most important “others” we love).

2.      Some of us are married to dynamic spiritual leaders, others of us to men who lead more quietly or who are in a dry place in their walks, and still others to men who don’t know the Lord.  Each of our marriages and husbands is unique (different strengths and weaknesses).No matter who your husband is or where he’s at, you can live in full obedience to God’s calling on YOU to love him with the love the Lord has given you as a daughter of Him!  When we abide, He provides!

a.      1 Peter 3:1-2- “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” (be careful of the martyr mentality! Don’t consider yourself better than your husband, that’s pride and that’s sin!)

b.      Matthew 22:36-39- ““Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. (When we love God with our whole heart, HE enables us to love our neighbors as ourselves)

c.       Romans 12:9-21 (think specifically about loving your husband as I read this)- “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. (He is your brother in Christ!) Outdo one another in showing honour.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality (to your husband!). Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight (pride).  Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honourable in the sight of all.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all (your husband!).  Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

3.      To reiterate what Jason shared last weekend and to echo what Courtney shared in her mom minute, when we abide in the Lord, when we go to Him first for ALL our needs, He is faithful to meet them.  No other person or role can satisfy!  Truly living this frees us to love others without expectation for something in return.

B.      Expectations lead to disappointment when our hope is misplaced on the wrong person/thing, who are we counting on to meet our needs, to fill us?

1.      John 6:35- “Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

2.      John 4:13-14- “ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

3.      How my expectations of Travis have torn him down instead of building him up.  (how and how much he communicates, his spiritual leadership of our family, his level of helping around the house, the way he parents our kids, etc…)

a.       How does it feel on the flip side of the coin, when someone has you constantly feeling like you don’t measure up and you’re never cutting it, does that motivate or deflate you?

b.      I think it’s easier for us to live in the truth that friends, extended family and even our children are not made to satisfy us, and although we may say that we don’t expect our husbands to fully satisfy us, our hearts often believe differently as evidenced by our struggles in marriage.

C.      Fighting the 50/50, “you complete me” cultural prescription.

1.      Think about the most common reasons people give for divorce.  It’s often about what the other person isn’t doing right or about how the other person isn’t meeting their needs. (if you are sitting in this room and have been divorced, know that God has enough grace to meet you where you are at and grow you from here! There are also cases where a spouse has taken the decision out of your hands and left.  Please know that every women in this room is loved by Jesus right where she is at and every single one of us is nothing without Jesus, we can do nothing good apart from Him.)

2.      “What if marriage isn’t designed to make us happy but rather to make us Holy?”- From Sacred Marriage.  What I would add to that is, what if our greatest joy in marriage can only be found when we stop looking to it and our husbands to fill us up.

D.     How do we get there? NOT by trying harder to be better!  We start, flat on our faces before Jesus, confessing our sin and begging Him to fill us.  Loving our husbands more selflessly will be a fruit of bathing in the sacrificial love of Jesus for us!

III.                Closing: The rollarcoaster journey of our recent decision to move to Switzerland and how God continues to refine me in all these areas.  Please pray for us!

·         I asked Travis if he had anything he’d like to add to what I prepared to share with you all.  I was thinking it might be something profound that I had missed, but maybe profoundly simple?  He said, “a little sex goes a long way to make a man feel loved”. J

                                                      Table Talk

1.      What are some ways you believe God is wooing you to be satisfied in Him alone?

2.      What are some ways you have bought the 50/50, “you complete me” prescriptions for a happy marriage and how is God challenging you to love your husband more selflessly?

3.      Do you have anything to share with your sisters about how the sin of pride has caused you to belittle, nag, or look down on your husband?

4.      How can we be praying for you as a wife?

Overflowing Lives- Sara McConahy

The concept of overflowing lives is an important biblical concept for us, especially as moms.  Since it's the theme for our year, we wanted to dig into it together as we start the year.

Thirst:
I submit to you that every single person is born thirsty, not meaning for milk but for fulfillment, purpose and happiness. What I am going to call “soul thirst”. First century theologian Augustine made the observation, “our hearts are restless”, French Christian Philosopher, Pascal explained it this way , “ all men seek happiness, this is the motive of every action of every man. He says, “We are born with an infinite abyss in us.”
If we take anytime to think about it, we see that each of us longs to be filled to overflowing, we
long for what really satisfies and brings happiness, we hunt for something, someone to fill the
void, the abyss, our soul thirst.

Brainstorm of things we look to for fulfillment:

Things: Travel, places, money, appearance, stuff
People: Husband, kids, friends, authority
Roles: Mother, wife, career/job title, homemaker
Abstract: Feelings, being liked, being understood, respect from other Christians, living up to the label of Christian, cultural Christianity, approval, organization

Let me clear, I am not saying that these things can’t provide happiness (God says children are a
blessing and gift and his creation a reflection of His Glory). What I am saying is that the happiness
these things provide will not last, they will disappoint, and will never be enough. They were never
meant to fill the infinite abyss. Jeremiah 2:13, words it perfectly, “For my people have committed two
evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water.” If these are broken cisterns – what is the living water?

We are going to look at a narrative in the Gospel of John that gives us a great picture of a thirsty
woman (for both h2o and something to quench her soul thirst) At your tables we are going to turn
to John 4:1-26. Questions to consider:

Who are the people in the text?
Where are they?
When was this?

How did Jesus get to the issue of thirst?
What had the Samaritan woman gone to for fulfillment?
What was Jesus’ answer to her thirst?

Let's zero in on 13-14. As the woman is still hung up on physical thirst Jesus is addressing her soul
thirst. Jesus’ words are for you and I = I know you are thirsty, I have an answer to
your thirst so that you will never soul thirst again! And not only will you be satisfied but your life
will overflow! Every single one of us either is or was this woman apart from Jesus intersecting our lives. Just fill in the blank – she was filling her thirst with husbands. For me it was – alcohol, boyfriends, popularity, self
achievement…

Let me take you through some other verses where Jesus tells us HE is the answer to our thirst. 

John 7:37 – "On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to ME and drink."

Jesus is in Jerusalem during the Festival of booths. A time when the Jewish people would ascend to the city and camp basically to remember God leading them out of Egypt. These words would have been familiar to the Jews listening – from Is 55. Read 

John 6: 35 - "Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.""
Scripture never wavers in the source for quenching our soul thirst – the source is Jesus Christ. He alone fulfills, satisfies, and gives purpose to life. And when I say Jesus Christ I am meaning both Jesus the God/man and gospel of Jesus. The good news of what He accomplished for us: His perfect sinless life, His sacrificial atoning death, and His victorious rising from the dead.

Listen to this quote from "A Shelter in the Time of Storm" by Paul Tripp: "        "

So, lets bring it back to you and me, moms in Fort Collins, CO Sept 18, 2012. The first question is
do you believe in this Rock the living water? This Jesus? Do you believe what Jesus is saying to
you? He is saying – Sara, you were made for me. Becky, you were made for me… Are you willing, in
humble faith, to declare like the people who were from the town of the Samaritan woman, “We no
longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we KNOW that
this man really is the Savior of the world.” That is my hope and prayer for every one of you.

My guess is that most of you in this room say amen – yes, by faith, I believe! He is my Rock, my
solid ground. Praise the Lord!! Then hear this! This is what is true of you believer in Jesus Christ: You have everything you need to experience complete fulfillment and purpose right now in Christ. You have
everything you need to live an overflowing life right now in Christ. PERIOD! How do I know? Because the verses we just read tell us! And God doesn’t lie.

That means when you are in the grocery store and your preschooler is running the aisles,
your toddler is pitching a fit in the cart and your baby has had a poopie blow-out. You can
experience the overflowing life.

When you aren’t sure how your husband’s paycheck is going to see you through the basic
needs of the month and you are already in debt. You can experience the overflowing life.

When you feel guilty about not wanting to be around your children because all you ever
wanted was to be a mom, but today, you are just struggling to even like your kids. – you can
experience the overflowing life.

When you are bitter at your husband because you feel overworked, underappreciated, and
alone. You can experience the abundant life.

When depression meets you at your waking breath in the morning and the thought of
getting out of bed seems overwhelming enough, much less the thought of taking care of a
baby. You can experience the overflowing life.

Here is the reason why: the abundant life, is not dependent on our life circumstances, it
is dependent on where we have placed our life faith. If you have placed your faith in Jesus,
taken Him at his word that he really is living water that quenches your soul thirst - You
have everything you need to satisfy. This is faith that is both present and future oriented. We are believing that Jesus quenches our soul thirst in the here an now and ultimately in heaven we will thirst no more:

Revelation 7:16- “They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd., and he will guide them to springs of living water; and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

These are precious and beautiful promises!

Well, If you are anything like me, right now I bet you are thinking two things. 1) I don’t always
experience this OR worded better: I don’t always feel like I am living a fulfilled, overflowing life.
And 2) I want what you are talking about – practically, how to I get there!

Let’s try to address these two things. I believe that we don’t always feel like we are living the
fulfilled life because we are choosing emotion over truth. Really it boils down to simple unbelief.
We simply are not choosing by faith to believe in what is already true and accomplished through
Jesus. Our senses bombard us with the here and now, the emotion of it all – feeling depressed,
over-whelmed, tired, hopeless, unmotivated… But the beautiful truth is that the verses we have
read are TRUE! 2 peter 1:3 is true: His divine power has given us everything we need for life and
godliness.

Next, I think that we are practically not experiencing abundant life because I we try to add broken
cisterns to Jesus hoping they will hold living water. We subtly add things from our white board
list/our broken cisterns, to Jesus. Like: Jesus and a great marriage. Jesus and a house that fits our
growing family. Jesus and the approval I long for, Jesus and a thankfulness journal, Jesus and…
you get it.

In the book Jesus + nothing = everything by Tullian Tchividjian he says, “Typically, it’s not that
Christians seek to blatantly replace the gospel. What we try to do is simply add to it.” I am so guilty
of this! This is how you would discern what you are trying to add to Jesus to bring happiness-
simply think about whatever is in your life that, if you lost it, would make you want to quit living?
Seriously ask yourself this question in the weeks to come. This will help you see what you are
adding to Jesus for fulfillment. PS – read this book.

Most of the time these things that we wouldn’t want to live without are God given blessings – your
husband, children, health, etc. but Jesus plus something will rob us of true fulfillment because
those additives were never meant to satisfy and they are not meant to last.

Our third mistake is that we often ignore, underutilize or substitute the Means of Grace that we
have been given to experience an overflowing life. Let me try to explain this using an analogy:
All of us can appreciate the beauty of a diamond. But there are means of greater understanding
and appreciating a diamonds true beauty : 4C’s - carat, clarity, color, and cut.

Jesus is like that diamond. As believers we can all appreciate His beauty. We also have means to
a greater understanding and appreciation of and experience of Jesus’ true beauty. We can call them means
of grace. Instead of cut and clarity they would be prayer and study of the Bible to name a couple.
Things that God has given us to know and experience Him.

In groups talk about some means of grace that we have been given to revel in God’s glory. We will
list them on the board.

So I said that our mistake can be that we often ignore and underutilize these means of grace. You
have a bible but it sits by your bed. You have sisters in Jesus who love you but you aren’t honest
with them about your life. We can also substitute these means of grace for the real Grace Giver.
All these things we have listed are ways of experiencing fulfillment in Christ, not activities that
will bring fulfillment in and of themselves. We think real fulfillment can be ours if we just pray
enough, or if we were just thankful enough, study our bible everyday, memorize enough scripture,
make ourselves accountable to other Christians. But Jesus is clear – the answer is Him. He always
brought people to have to put their faith in Him. His strongest rebukes were to the Pharisees who
diligently followed the religious rules (ie: trusted in themselves) but refused to trust in Jesus as
the living water. Let’s embrace and enjoy these means of grace as lead ropes – leading us to drink
of Jesus.

Maybe part of the answer to helping you experience the overflowing life is adjusting your idea of
what that “looks” like. The fulfilled life is not the happy, clappy life – song. It is a life of faith like that is expressed by the psalmist in

Psalm 42 – "Why are you downcast o my soul and why so disturbed within me?"

The fulfilled life is not the put together/no weakness/ super woman life; life of faith like that
expressed by paul in 2 Corinthians 12 – "therefore I will boast in my weaknesses…"
The fulfilled life is not absent of pain and suffering but is a life of faith like that expressed by peter
– now for a little while…

As we think back to our diamond analogy: The amazing truth is, just as the diamond possesses
beauty to behold for those willing to look, Jesus is infinitely more beautiful and He calls us to
come, to come to Him and be filled. The reason He alone can fill the infinite abyss is because He is
the only infinite one. Infinitely good, wise, loving, knowing, faithful, gracious, merciful, kind, …

Let me encourage you to live faith – Faith that takes God at His word, and lives as though it is
true. Not adding broken cisterns to what is the only ever lasting spring of living water and taking
advantage of the means of grace that we have been given to behold His glory.

Isaiah 58:11- "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

The Main Things- Pastor Pep Talk (Cyrus)

Motherhood and wifehood pull us in many directions, so we have to ask ourselves, "What are the main things?"  We first have to remember that we can do nothing in our own strength, we need Jesus to be our fuel every morning, every moment!  Parenting, as well as every other relationship/role flows from our hearts.

Deuteronomy 4:9- "Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them."

*At any moment, where's your heart and where's your mind?  Asking these questions gets you to the source of struggle or joy.

*Enjoy your kids, the tasks can wait, they are your eternal investment!

*What will your kids remember?  The perfectly clean house, or the time spent with them, enjoying them, investing in them, relating to them?

*Focus on your marriage.  When your husband gets home, love him, be interested in him and his day, his struggles, his heart.  Don't be self focused and barrage him.  (a loving, serving marriage is one of the best gifts you can give your children.)

*Find rest: emotional, spiritual rest.  Returning to Jesus at the end of your day helps you keep your focus and perspective right.  Sandwich your day with Jesus!

Psalm 21:5- "Through the victories you gave, his glory is great;  you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty." (The Lord is your shade, HE is in control, not you.)

James 4:8- "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.)