I.
Intro-
Thank you for having me! The thought of
teaching you all about wifehood is humbling because the only authority on the
matter I have comes straight from the Word and what God has taught me, usually
through the painful refiners fire. I
will forever be a work in progress!
A. Travis and I’s story- Met in junior high. My insecurity during my dad's illness created unhealthy dependence on Travis to meet my needs.
II.
How
God has moved my heart to a wifehood focus instead of a marriage focus. We think of marriage, in the Biblical sense,
as husband and wife loving each other well, which glorifies God.
A. Our marriages are fertile ground for
God’s glory and our growth, but sometimes it won’t come through mutual efforts.
The one in our marriages we’re accountable for is ourselves and how we love,
regardless of the way we are loved in return.
We are all sinful, imperfect women married to sinful, imperfect men and
it is Gospel love alone that gives any of us any hope. Gospel love is self-sacrificing not self
seeking.
1. God gives us many directives on how
we can best love each other in marriage, and He is certainly glorified when the
two people in a marriage are living in obedience to them, but I would venture
to say that He gives us far more instruction as individuals on loving Him and
others (our husbands being one of the most important “others” we love).
2. Some of us are married to dynamic
spiritual leaders, others of us to men who lead more quietly or who are in a
dry place in their walks, and still others to men who don’t know the Lord. Each of our marriages and husbands is unique
(different strengths and weaknesses).No matter who your husband is or where
he’s at, you can live in full obedience to God’s calling on YOU to love him
with the love the Lord has given you as a daughter of Him! When we abide, He provides!
a. 1 Peter 3:1-2-
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own
husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a
word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure
conduct.” (be careful of the martyr mentality! Don’t consider yourself better
than your husband, that’s pride and that’s sin!)
b. Matthew 22:36-39- ““Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the
Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the
second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. (When we love God with our
whole heart, HE enables us to love our neighbors as ourselves)
c. Romans 12:9-21 (think specifically about loving your husband as I read
this)- “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one
another with brotherly affection. (He is your brother in Christ!) Outdo one another in showing honour. Do not
be slothful in zeal, be
fervent in spirit, serve
the Lord. Rejoice
in hope, be patient in
tribulation, be
constant in prayer. Contribute
to the needs of the saints and seek to
show hospitality (to your husband!). Bless those who
persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice
with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live
in harmony with one another. Do not
be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight (pride). Repay
no one evil for evil, but give
thought to do what is honourable in the sight of all. If
possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all (your husband!). Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to
the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is
thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning
coals on his head.” Do not
be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
3. To reiterate what Jason shared last
weekend and to echo what Courtney shared in her mom minute, when we abide in the
Lord, when we go to Him first for ALL our needs, He is faithful to meet
them. No other person or role can
satisfy! Truly living this frees us to
love others without expectation for something in return.
B. Expectations lead to disappointment
when our hope is misplaced on the wrong person/thing, who are we counting on to
meet our needs, to fill us?
1. John 6:35- “Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me
will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be
thirsty.”
2. John 4:13-14- “ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this
water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them
will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become
in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
3. How my expectations of Travis have
torn him down instead of building him up.
(how and how much he communicates, his spiritual leadership of our
family, his level of helping around the house, the way he parents our kids,
etc…)
a. How does it feel on the flip side of the coin,
when someone has you constantly feeling like you don’t measure up and you’re
never cutting it, does that motivate or deflate you?
b. I think it’s easier for us to live in
the truth that friends, extended family and even our children are not made to
satisfy us, and although we may say that we don’t expect our husbands to fully
satisfy us, our hearts often believe differently as evidenced by our struggles
in marriage.
C. Fighting the 50/50, “you complete me”
cultural prescription.
1. Think about the most common reasons
people give for divorce. It’s often
about what the other person isn’t doing right or about how the other person
isn’t meeting their needs. (if you are sitting in this room and have been
divorced, know that God has enough grace to meet you where you are at and grow
you from here! There are also cases where a spouse has taken the decision out
of your hands and left. Please know that
every women in this room is loved by Jesus right where she is at and every
single one of us is nothing without Jesus, we can do nothing good apart from
Him.)
2. “What if marriage isn’t designed to
make us happy but rather to make us Holy?”- From Sacred Marriage. What I would add to that is, what if our
greatest joy in marriage can only be found when we stop looking to it and our
husbands to fill us up.
D. How do we get there? NOT by trying
harder to be better! We start, flat on
our faces before Jesus, confessing our sin and begging Him to fill us. Loving our husbands more selflessly will be a
fruit of bathing in the sacrificial love of Jesus for us!
III.
Closing:
The rollarcoaster journey of our recent decision to move to Switzerland and how
God continues to refine me in all these areas.
Please pray for us!
·
I
asked Travis if he had anything he’d like to add to what I prepared to share
with you all. I was thinking it might be
something profound that I had missed, but maybe profoundly simple? He said, “a little sex goes a long way to
make a man feel loved”. J
Table Talk
1. What are some ways you believe God is
wooing you to be satisfied in Him alone?
2. What are some ways you have bought
the 50/50, “you complete me” prescriptions for a happy marriage and how is God
challenging you to love your husband more selflessly?
3. Do you have anything to share with
your sisters about how the sin of pride has caused you to belittle, nag, or
look down on your husband?
4. How can we be praying for you as a
wife?
