Mom Minute- Lessons From my Dad- Joani Parrish

Lessons from my Dad

  I'm not sure if many of you know, but my dad passed away last year. During this time
I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what skills and lessons in life he taught me. My
dad’s favorite quote, one I heard him say almost every single day of my life, was "You
accept me for the pain in the butt I am and I will accept you for the pain in the butt you
are." (I'm using nicer language, because my Dad was a Marine for 40 years and his
choice of words would not be socially acceptable for a REAL Moms blog post.) My Dad
said this to me for 26 years. Every time I was exasperated with him, when his friends
were giving him a hard time, even to the grocery store clerk checking out his bags (My
Dad could be a pain in the butt). I heard him say this ALL the time. I also watched him
live this way.

 Shortly after he died a friend asked me, "What is the main thing you will miss about
him?" I'm not sure if I could articulate very well at that point because I was so overcome
with absolutely everything I was going to miss about him, but now if you asked me I
would say it was: his unconditional love and support.
 Most recently I missed him when we started foster care. I could hear my Dad
building me up and encouraging me, saying things like "Wow, that's amazing!" or "You
guys are going to be great!" or "Gosh! I wish I had grown up in a home as sweet and
loving as yours." He said things like this ALL the time. He would not say, "Gosh! you
guys are going to need a bigger car" or "Isn't this going to be really hard on your
biological children?" I missed him. I missed him a lot.

 He was one of those people who knew how to just be happy for someone and not put
fears or doubts in their mind. If we bought a bigger house he would not say, "Oh are
you sure that it's not too much?" He would say "That's awesome! I can't wait to see it!"
He would truly mean it. It's not that he didn't have any concerns about me, but he never
focused on the areas in my life he was concerned about. I think he realized the world
has enough people to question you, it has enough people to make you feel concerned
about your actions, it has enough people to place fears and worries and doubts in your
mind. He made me feel like I could do anything or be anyone I wanted to be.

 This lesson he taught me has been such a gift in my life. It gave me confidence
when I was a loner in high school, it gave me courage to get married and not fear the
constant stream of divorces that plagues my family. Many of my choices and the
confidence I can put in them are because of his unconditional love and acceptance.
Most importantly, it has greatly affected my view of God. Rather than thinking of God as
someone constantly judging my actions, I hear God as an unconditional lover of my
weary broken soul. He was the kind of person I want to be, the kind of friend, wife, and
mother I want to be, and with the grace of God I hope to see him someday and thank
him.

~Joani