Fantastic talk on the topic or raising responsible children from Sara McConahy at Real Mom's on February 4th, 2014 in case you missed it or need a refresher!
I.
What does responsible mean?
Trustworthy, sensible, mature, reliable, dependable,
in charge of, capable of being trusted and morally accountable for one’s
behavior are some definitions.
II.
Why be responsible?
Taking it to the heart level, being responsible is a
way to fulfill two commands given by Jesus: 1) treat others the way you would want to be treated. 2)
Consider others more important than yourself. Being responsible loves God and
loves others – two greatest commands given in Matt 18. At the heart of
responsibility I think we find sacrifice and integrity – a giving up of self
for the better of another. Responsible means you are going to do your chores
instead of play. Tell the truth instead of lie. Come inside when I ask instead
of when you want, etc.
III. Responsible Parable… Responsibility is like an ARM!
Responsibility is like an arm… when a child is born
he has arms, but they are of no use to him… yet. He flails and flaps, unable to
hold a thing, to push, pull, lift -
do anything. Yet everything is there, in his arm, to one day do all these
things and a hundred more. His arm only needs time and experience and the bones
will harden and the muscles with strengthen. Then this arm will be useful in
all circumstances and able to hold that which is entrusted to him.
We all know that being responsible is a process.
This is called raising responsible kids not birthing responsible
kids. They don’t come out that way!
This requires seeing parenting with the big picture in mind through the
details of life. Raising responsible kids is daily, thoughtful, careful, risk
taking, faith stretching work. It will have successes and failures. The when is
today, tomorrow and each day as long as your children are in your care. What a
privilege to see a baby arm grow into a strong useful one. You and your husband
carry a responsibility to raise a responsible child!
IV.
Barriers/obstacles to becoming responsible: With that said – your child
is unique! Just as you are unique! Although we can define being responsible
with a few specific words, each child will be unique in the ways they process
learning and exercising responsibility. You may have a child that embraces and
handles responsibility very well. Or maybe not, or maybe they could care less –
why are you talking to me about unloading the dishwasher when there are toys to
play with!! Maybe: Internal drive to follow rules, be organized, be focused, or
maybe they get overwhelmed easily, or forget what you just told them to do
because a squirrel just ran in front of them.. squirrel!! There are so many things that are at
play – environment being one, boy/girl, birth order, age, health and
disability, strengths and weaknesses. No cookie cutter parenting. The big picture recognizes that an arm
is an arm but the time it takes to fully develop varies.
V.
Helps to becoming responsible:
1.
Modeling: (Toning your arm) Children do what they see more than they so
what they are told.
Environment is important. Even though we are not perfect we need to check and see if
there are areas in our lives that we are consistently irresponsible.
-
Are you consistently late, not reliable to the people who are waiting
on you?
-
Is your yes, yes and no, no; or do you bail on commitments?
-
Do you follow through on statements/promises (especially with your
kids… “I will play with you in just a minute.)
-
Do you and your family do things for the sake of others even when it is
inconvenient?
-
Do you work hard?
-
Do you take care of property?
-
Do you spend more than you make?
-
Do you spend your time on facebook/pintrest/blogs at the expense of the
things you are responsible for and are a God given priority?
Do you need to be perfect?? NO and you aren’t going
to be! We are in process too and need to rely on the grace, wisdom, and
strength given to us through Jesus!
2.
Appropriate level of responsibility at appropriate age: (Picking up a
ball and learning to throw)
Teaching children how to be responsible starts with
telling them what they CAN NOT do. I am telling you to give them appropriate responsibility at
the appropriate age. Going back to our definitions: your 2 year old is not
trustworthy, sensible, mature, reliable, dependable enough to make the
decisions they think they can make – YOU ARE – and you need to be the one who
maintains responsibility for those decisions and you gradually give opportunity
to be responsible as they exhibit ability to be trusted. Responsibility starts
with their ability to obey you.
3.
Honesty: (Bicep Training) Being responsible is
being trustworthy. Being trustworthy means you tell the truth. One cannot be
responsible and a liar at the same time. Let me encourage you to take lying
very seriously in your home. Trust is the foundation of relationship. If you
cant trust that your children are telling you the truth, it is going to be very
hard to entrust them with responsibility. Be careful of “half-truths”.
4.
Restitution: Exodus 21:33-22:14 gives us a biblical principle of
restitution, which is the restoration of something lost, stolen or broken.
Biblically it is restoring + some… Being responsible means taking care of
property - yours or others. Another
definition: the restoration of something to its original state. Clean up at
others homes after play? Clean up after self in own home? Clear plates?
5.
Prepare/instruct/resource: Nothing is more frustrating than being giving something you
are responsible for that you: 1) don’t know why you are doing it. 2) Don’t know
how to do 3) and don’t have what you need to do it. Obvious with football that
after modeling comes coaching and practice. Give the child a ball and teach the
child how to throw!
6.
Opportunity
1.
Sort laundry and/or fold laundry.
2.
Match socks
3.
Clean up room/pick up toys/
4.
Set table/clear table
5.
Help with preparing meals
6.
Put away folded clothes
7.
Get ready in the morning and evening
8.
Shoveling/mowing/yard work
9.
Projects with dad
10. Cleaning car
11. Allowance for
spending/gifts/clothing.
12. Own bank account
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